Donuts and Muffins Used to Lure Men to Local Coffee Stands

SEATTLE WA– Using Costco double chocolate chip muffins, cookies and hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts as bait, many local coffee stands are trying to lure men into their establishments.

The men are about 180 to 300 pounds and have been seen driving white vans with ladders, pickup trucks and pulling equipment trailers. Many wear hats.

Contractors, businessmen, college kids, construction workers: these guys normally roam early in the morning to the local fast food businesses and gas stations for food says Vicky Carmelo, a bikini coffee barista from the Hot Yummy Java Jugs Coffee Stand in Lynnwood.

“Their comfort level with chain businesses is not good,” said Carmelo.”We need to get them out of the Tullys, McDonalds and Starbucks before they turn a blind eye to our businesses.”

Contracter Ned Steele passes the coffee stands everyday driving to worksites and found himself at a local coffee stand on Friday.

“Yup, you caught me,” said Steele. “I couldnt pass up the offer for a free mocha with purchase of a muffin. I need the calories before work. Just don’t tell my wife.”

“We’ve tried alot of marketing techniques,” said Cherry Red, from the Fantasy Friday Everyday Coffee Stand. “Pastries, blintzes, bananas, whip cream; but muffins and doughnuts really bring them in. Business is super.”

Many local residents are upset with the coffee stand techniques of luring in men.

“They should be ashamed of themselves, exposing hard working men to such high caloric intake,” said Simon Preem. “Diabetes isn’t a laughing matter. What’s wrong with a simple danish and naked coffee? What happened to family friendly?”

What about doughnuts?

“Oh we serve Danish and doughnuts too,” said Carmelo. “On Wednesdays we serve coffee in danish pastie outfits. These strong men just love the light and flakey kinds of sugar. They keep coming back for more!”
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